EP34 How the ‘Let Them’ Mindset Helped Me with Stress, Burnout and Disappointment

Welcome back to the Ditch The Debate Podcast! I’m Taniel, your host. It’s been a busy time behind the scenes as I line up some incredible guests who will share their insights in the coming weeks. But today, I want to share a concept that has profoundly impacted my life recently – the “Let Them” mindset.

As a working mom, I’ve faced countless challenges balancing motherhood, career, and personal aspirations. My journey has been riddled with struggles around perfectionism and control, often leading to burnout, disappointment, strained relationships, and immense stress. The “Let Them” mindset has been a transformative approach that I’d like to share with you today.

Understanding the “Let Them” Mindset

So, what exactly is the “Let Them” mindset? At its core, this mindset is about relinquishing the need to control others’ actions, thoughts, and opinions, and instead focusing on what you can control – your own responses and actions. It’s about granting yourself the grace to accept things as they are and letting go of the rest.

To give you a historical perspective, this mindset is reminiscent of the Serenity Prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

We often get so caught up in trying to control the uncontrollable that we rob ourselves of peace and happiness. Much like perfectionism, control is an illusion.

The Personal Journey of Letting Go

A year ago, I found myself at a crossroads that required reinvention and healing. Navigating motherhood, life, and business simultaneously presented new challenges I hadn’t encountered before. Let me take you back a bit.

I come from a corporate background driven by a scarcity mindset, always doing whatever necessary to make ends meet. Despite knowing in my heart that I was destined for more, I kept telling myself that I had to accept my lot in life – working tirelessly to pay the bills.

This mindset led me to overwork and constantly strive for unattainable perfection, sacrificing my inner peace. The reward? More work, tighter deadlines, and higher expectations. In a male-dominated environment where I was often underpaid and overlooked, I felt compelled to people please, never say no, deliver on time or early, and exceed expectations.

Despite my high ambitions, they came at the cost of myself. I taught myself incredibly wrong lessons, and over the past year, I’ve had to go through a million emotions to forgive and apologize to myself. I didn’t deserve any of it, and none of you do either.

Breaking the Cycle

These lessons often start in childhood, and we carry these patterns until we break them. From my corporate career to becoming a mother, starting my own marketing consultancy, and now moving into coaching and entrepreneurship, I followed a pattern of scarcity and fear. I believed my value lay in employment and money, making me a chameleon in everything.

I showed up for people who would never show up for me, said yes to everything despite it burning a hole in my soul, sacrificed family time for others, and fit into toxic dynamics. The list goes on.

When we ignore the signs the Universe sends us, it forces us to listen. I knew deep down that I was done sacrificing myself, but I ignored it. Eventually, that story was taken away from me.

My last contract job in marketing was the final straw. It was a terrible experience that left me resentful, but in hindsight, it did me a HUGE favor. I had built my business to six figures and was comfortable, but I knew it wasn’t my calling. Ending that part of my career with a hard no gave me closure and the energy for another reinvention.

The Power of “Let Them”

While navigating healing and finding my zone of genius, I learned that holding onto things and trying to control situations was draining me. Enter the “Let Them” mindset.

It sounds basic but it’s one of the hardest things any working mom can do. Control issues are real, and the risk of things not going according to plan can send us into chaos. But if we’re honest, it’s not realistic.

The ONLY thing we can control is the planning. How it unfolds is out of our control as there are always other elements at play.

Even as a solopreneur, things happen. Waking up to a sick child when you have back-to-back meetings, planning a strict exercise routine only to get injured, scheduling help with kids only for it to fall through – these things happen a lot.

What could you have done differently? How could you have controlled any of this? You couldn’t.

“Let Them” is about allowing yourself grace.

• A delayed launch? Let them. You got to show up for your sick child.
• Not hitting strength or weight goals due to injury? Let them. Your body needed a break.
• Moving your work schedule because help didn’t arrive? Let them. You got extra time with your kids.

Does this make sense?

In work environments, family, or friends, I use this mindset a lot. I’ve been surrounded by people who aren’t my people.

• Judgment? Let them.
• Expectations? Let them.
• Underestimating me? Let them.
• Constantly sharing opinions about me? Let them.
• Not listening after asking a question? Let them.
• Distracted while wanting time with me? Let them.
• Telling me how bad I am to feel superior? Let them.

Whatever is going on, with whoever, my advice is to just let them. You will never change humans; they change themselves. So why expend so much energy?

Conclusion: Find Your People

Thank you for tuning in today. I hope this episode on the “Let Them” mindset has given you some food for thought and practical insights on how to let go and focus on what you can control. Remember, it’s about giving yourself grace and finding peace amidst the chaos.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences with this mindset. Please share them with me on social media or in the comments section. Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share the podcast with other working moms.

Stay tuned for the upcoming episodes with our incredible guests. Until next time, keep ditching the debate and embracing the “Let Them” mindset.