Raising Your Self-Esteem

Introduction

Many of us moms find ourselves feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and struggling with low self-esteem, uncertain of how to break free from this cycle. If you’re  experiencing these emotions, know that there are practical steps you can take to elevate your self-esteem and regain your confidence, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and empowered life.

Let’s unpack what self esteem is – it’s essentially how we value and perceive ourselves. On a guess – I’d say that it’s probably not too high … 😥 Logically we are probably looking at this and saying “huh? That doesn’t make sense! I’m my biggest advocate. I am all I have! Why would I not value myself or perceive myself as the amazing person that I am?” However, in reality, we often fall short in being our own advocates, and we don’t always hold ourselves in the highest regard. The reason for this is deeply rooted in my favourite part of the brain. Somewhere along the journey, someone said or did something that we internalized, incorporating it into our identity and personal narrative. It could have been a caregiver, a parent, a teacher, a friend, or a coach – anyone who held significance in our lives. They unknowingly sowed a seed of doubt, and over time, we allowed it to take root and flourish. 

Completing & Healing Your Past

Our past experiences significantly shape our self-perception and overall confidence. Every experience, interaction, and encounter we’ve had in the past contributes to the lens through which we view ourselves. The positive moments uplift us, while the negative ones can create deep-seated wounds. These experiences might include instances where we faced criticism, rejection, or what we deem as failure. Over time, these experiences become part of our mental landscape, impacting how we perceive our abilities and worthiness.

It’s essential to recognize and address any lingering wounds from your past that might be contributing to your low self-esteem. The first step in healing is acknowledging that these wounds exist (without judgment). This requires introspection and a willingness to confront the discomfort they might bring. Perhaps there’s a particular memory or event that still triggers feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. By identifying these triggers, you can begin the process of unraveling their impact on your self-esteem. 

Here are some questions that you could ask yourself to help you along:

1. Can you recall specific moments or events from your past that left you feeling particularly inadequate or undermined? Reflect on instances where you felt your self-esteem took a hit, whether due to criticism, rejection, or other negative experiences.
2. Are there recurring patterns in your thoughts or emotions that seem to be linked to these past experiences? Consider whether certain triggers or memories consistently evoke feelings of self-doubt or low self-esteem, even if they occurred long ago.
3. Do you find it challenging to discuss or think about certain memories from your past? Identifying topics that cause discomfort or avoidance can be indicative of unresolved emotional wounds that might be impacting your self-perception.
4. Have you noticed how your reactions to present situations might be influenced by past experiences? Examine whether your responses to current challenges, interactions, or opportunities are shaped by events from your past that affected your self-esteem.
5. Are there specific individuals who played a role in these past experiences, and how do you feel towards them now? Consider the people who were present during these moments – whether they were caregivers, peers, family members, or others. Assess how your feelings towards them might be influencing your self-esteem.

Reflect on moments that may have left you feeling inadequate or undervalued. Take time to revisit your past experiences, especially the ones that have left a mark on your self-esteem. These might be times when you felt criticized, overlooked, or not good enough. Reflect on the circumstances, the people involved, and the emotions you experienced. This reflection helps you gain insight into how these moments shaped your beliefs about yourself.

Here are some questions:

1. Can you recall specific instances where you felt criticized or undervalued in your past? Think about situations where you experienced negative feedback or felt that your efforts were not acknowledged as they should have been.
2. How did these moments make you feel at the time? Reflect on the emotions you experienced during those instances – whether it was sadness, anger, frustration, or any other feeling.
3. Who were the individuals involved in these moments, and what roles did they play in your life? Consider whether these instances involved family members, friends, teachers, colleagues, or any other significant people in your life.
4. Did you internalize any specific beliefs about yourself as a result of these experiences? Explore whether these moments led you to form beliefs about your capabilities, worth, or identity. Did you start thinking of yourself as less competent or valuable because of these events?
5. How have these past experiences influenced your thoughts and behaviors in the present? Consider whether these experiences have led you to doubt yourself, avoid certain situations, or hold back from pursuing opportunities due to fear of similar outcomes.

By acknowledging these experiences and allowing yourself to process the associated emotions, you can release their grip on your self-worth. Denying or suppressing past hurts only prolongs their influence over you. Instead, give yourself permission to feel and process the emotions attached to these experiences. This might involve allowing yourself to grieve for the pain you felt, or even acknowledging the anger you hold towards those who contributed to your low self-esteem. Processing these emotions can help lessen their impact and free you from their hold.

Forgiveness, both for others and yourself (spoiler alert – this is HARD!), is a powerful tool for healing and moving forward. Forgiveness is a transformative act that liberates you from the chains of resentment and bitterness. It’s important to forgive not just those who may have hurt you, but also yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t condone actions; rather, it empowers you to let go of their hold on your self-esteem. Through forgiveness, you create space for growth, healing, and the reclamation of your self-worth.

Assessing What Is In Your Present

Self-awareness is a cornerstone of building self-esteem. Take time to reflect on your current beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors. Are you overly critical of yourself? Do you often compare yourself to others? Recognizing negative self-talk and patterns that hinder your self-esteem is the first step in challenging them. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Shift your perspective to acknowledge your unique qualities and the positive impact you have on your family and those around you.

Here are some important questions:

1. What are you saying to yourself every day?
2. Do you often compare yourself to others? 
3. What are some areas in your life where you tend to be overly self-critical? 
4. List at least 5 strengths or accomplishments, no matter how small, that you are proud of. 
5. How do you think your unique qualities positively impact those around you, including your family? 

Designing Your Future and Choice

Empowering self-esteem is built upon envisioning a positive future for yourself. Define your aspirations and set achievable goals aligned with your values. It’s crucial to strike a balance between professional, personal and family goals. Break down your objectives into manageable steps, celebrating each milestone along the way. Cultivate a growth mindset, understanding that setbacks are part of the journey. Take advantage of the power of choice – choose to prioritize self-care, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift your spirits.

One final task – write your current self a letter from your future self.  

Conclusion

If you’re stuck in life and grappling with low self-esteem, hypnotherapy offers a powerful path to transformation. By completing and healing your past, assessing your present, and designing a future of choice, you can rebuild your self-esteem and step into your full potential. This journey requires courage and commitment, but the results are life-changing.

Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and investing in your self-esteem not only benefits you but also positively impacts your family and the way you navigate your journey.

Through hypnotherapy, you have the opportunity to rewrite your story, cultivate self-love, and embrace the confident, empowered mom you truly are.