EP56 Why Snapping at Your Kids Isn’t Your Fault

I’ve snapped plenty — let me not lie.

Here’s a sequence you might relate to:

It had been one of those long, messy evenings – homework scattered on the counter, dinner half-cooked, the twins fighting over who got the big cup, and my oldest, Nathan, practicing cricket in the house.

I could feel it building – that tightness in my chest, the hum of irritation under my skin.

And then it happened.

I yelled louder than I’d like to admit – think Tony Robbins energy, but in the worst possible context.

The words came out before I even realized what I was saying.

The room went quiet.

Three little faces froze.

And within seconds, the shame hit.

That heavy wave of guilt that every mom knows too well.

The “I should’ve handled that better.”

The “What’s wrong with me?”

The “Why can’t I stay calm?”

I used to think it was a lack of patience – that if I just tried harder, breathed deeper, or read more parenting books, I’d finally stop snapping.

But it wasn’t a patience problem.

It was a nervous system problem.

Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken – It’s Doing Its Job

Here’s what I wish every mom knew:

when you snap, your body isn’t betraying you – it’s protecting you.

Your nervous system’s main job is to keep you safe.

It doesn’t know the difference between real danger and emotional overload.

So when life feels like constant noise – the chaos, the clutter, the endless to-do list – your body starts to read that as threat.

Your heart rate increases.

Your breathing shortens.

Adrenaline surges.

And before you can think your way out of it, your body takes over.

That’s fight-or-flight mode in action.

It’s automatic.

And it’s not your fault.

The problem is, most of us never come out of it.

We live in a low-grade stress response – always “on,” always scanning, always one small crisis away from snapping.

Our bodies never get the memo that we’re safe now.

So when the kids start fighting or the dinner burns, it’s not about the moment –  it’s about everything that came before it.

That’s why your reaction feels instant.

Because your body was already halfway there.

The Guilt Keeps You Stuck

After the yelling comes the guilt.

You sit there thinking, “I’m a terrible mom.”

You promise yourself you’ll do better.

But guilt doesn’t regulate your nervous system – it just keeps it on edge.

You start walking on eggshells with yourself, trying to control every reaction, until one day, you snap again.

And the cycle repeats.

Because you can’t think your way out of a dysregulated body.

You have to teach it safety again.

That’s where the real healing begins.

What Your Body Actually Needs

When I stopped trying to be more “patient” and started listening to my body, everything changed. I began asking,

“What does my nervous system need right now?”

Sometimes the answer was rest.

Sometimes it was fresh air.

Sometimes it was a good cry behind the bathroom door.

And slowly, those tiny acts of awareness started to rewire everything.

Because calm isn’t just a mindset – it’s a state your body can relearn.

With time, I noticed small shifts:

the pause before reacting, the softness in my voice returning, the ability to laugh in moments that used to set me off.

That’s the nervous system healing.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but one micro-moment of safety at a time.

Repair Over Perfection

We’ll all still lose our patience sometimes.

That’s not failure – that’s being human.

The difference now is that I recover faster.

I apologize sooner.

And my kids see me come back to calm.

That’s what matters most – not avoiding every rupture,

but knowing how to repair after it happens.

Because when your kids watch you regulate, they learn it too.

Your calm becomes their blueprint for safety.

That’s how generational healing begins – not with perfect parenting, but with presence and compassion.

A Loving Reminder

You are not a bad mom for snapping.

You are a human mom with a nervous system that’s been doing its best.

You don’t need to be calmer because you’re “too emotional.”

You need calm because your body deserves to feel safe again.

And that begins with one small reset.

If you’re ready to start, I’ve created a free 5-Minute Calming Hypnosis Audio.

to help you gently reconnect with your body and exhale – even on the busiest days.

It’s short, grounding, and designed to bring your nervous system back to safety in real time.

You can download it at tanielstrydom.com/5-min-calming-reset-audio.

Because calm isn’t a luxury – it’s a language your body remembers.

And when you learn to speak it again, everything softens.