EP63 The Messy Middle

Have you ever woken up feeling clear, focused, and ready to tackle the day – only to have everything unravel before breakfast?

A difficult email. A phone call you weren’t expecting. News about your child that sits heavily on your heart.

Suddenly, the version of you who woke up feeling motivated and capable seems to disappear. The day shifts from intentional to reactive, and instead of making progress, you’re simply trying to keep your head above water.

If you’ve ever found yourself in that space, you’re not failing.

You’re in what I call the messy middle.

What Is the Messy Middle?

The messy middle is the space between deciding to change and actually feeling changed.

It’s the uncomfortable gap between who you used to be and who you’re trying to become.

It’s where old habits no longer fit, but new patterns haven’t fully taken hold yet.

Many people mistake this stage for failure. They assume that because they feel uncertain, emotional, or inconsistent, they’re moving backwards.

The truth is the opposite.

The messy middle is often a sign that growth is happening.

Real transformation rarely feels neat and linear. It often feels confusing, frustrating, and slower than we’d like.

The Curve Balls That Derail Us

Life doesn’t stop simply because we’re trying to improve ourselves.

Workplace challenges, difficult colleagues, project setbacks, family worries, financial pressures, and parenting concerns have a way of showing up at exactly the wrong time.

For working moms especially, these curve balls can feel relentless.

One moment you’re focused on a presentation, and the next you’re worrying about your child’s wellbeing at school.

One difficult conversation can consume hours of mental energy.

One unexpected problem can derail an entire day.

Not because you’re weak.

Because you’re human.

Why Recovery Takes Longer Than It Should

Often, the biggest challenge isn’t the curve ball itself.

It’s what happens afterwards.

The internal dialogue begins:

• I should be handling this better.
• Why am I still affected by things like this?
• Other people manage more than I do.
• I’ve wasted another day.

Suddenly, you’re dealing with the original problem and a harsh inner critic.

The difficult email might have lasted five minutes.

The self-judgement can last the entire day.

This is why recovery feels so slow.

Not because you’re incapable.

Because you’re carrying the weight of both the situation and your judgement about the situation.

The Grace We Give Everyone Else

Think about how you would respond if your best friend called you after a difficult day.

Would you tell her to pull herself together?

Would you tell her she’s weak?

Would you remind her of all the things she should have done differently?

Probably not.

You’d offer understanding.

You’d remind her that she’s doing her best.

You’d acknowledge that she’s carrying a lot.

You’d give her grace.

The question is:

Why is it so difficult to offer that same kindness to yourself?

What Actually Helps

When life throws a curve ball and everything feels overwhelming, I don’t reach for a complicated productivity system.

I start with something much simpler.

I move.

I leave the room. I step outside. I walk around the block. I stand in the sun.

Movement helps signal to the nervous system that we’re not trapped.

Then I slow my breathing.

Nothing fancy.

Just enough to remind my body that the threat has passed.

And then I remind myself:

“I am safe. I have got this. One thing at a time.”

Not because the problem has disappeared.

Because my nervous system needs reassurance before my mind can problem-solve effectively.

From there, I focus on one small next step.

Not the entire week.

Not the entire plan.

Just the next thing.

You Are Not Lost

If you’re in the messy middle right now, I want you to remember this:

You are not lost.

You are in between.

The messy middle is not proof that you’re failing.

It is often evidence that you’re growing.

Growth isn’t found in the perfect days.

It’s found in the recovery.

In the moments you choose to keep going.

In the grace you offer yourself after a hard day.

In the decision to take one more step, even when you don’t feel ready.

The woman you’re becoming is being built right now.

Not despite the messy middle.

Because of it.