EP58 The Invisible Load of Working Moms (& Why It’s Crushing Us)

Podcast

Working motherhood isn’t heavy because of the tasks - it’s heavy because of the mental load behind them. In this episode, we dive into the constant “invisible work” mothers carry: the remembering, anticipating, plannixng, soothing, and managing that runs silently in the background of every day. You’ll learn why today’s motherhood culture is more demanding than ever, how this pressure affects your nervous system, and simple ways to start putting down the parts of the load that were never meant to be yours alone. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, unseen, or permanently “on,” this episode will make you feel understood - and a whole lot less alone.

If you’re a working mom, you don’t start your day by waking up.

You start it by opening tabs.

Before you’ve even had coffee, your brain is already spinning through a mental checklist that would frighten most project managers:

Did I sign that form?

Whose turn is it for show-and-tell?

Is there bread for lunchboxes?

Why is Maya’s speech therapy invoice still sitting in drafts?

And didn’t someone need cardboard for a project by Wednesday?

This is the invisible load – not the chores, not the errands, not the school runs.

It’s the thinking behind all of it.

It’s the role of being the family’s Google Calendar, emotional thermostat, admin department, and quality control officer… all while running campaigns, attending meetings, responding to Slack messages, and attempting not to forget your own needs in the process.

And what makes it so heavy is this:

you don’t get to put it down.

It runs constantly, quietly, and automatically – like a background app you can’t force-quit.

This Isn’t a “Modern Mom Problem” – It’s a Crisis of Our Time

Dr Gabor Maté recently said something that stopped me in my tracks:

This is the hardest time to be a mother since World War II.

And honestly… it makes sense.

Back then, at least there were communities, extended families, neighbours, shared childcare, and slower lives.

Today? Mothers are expected to work like they don’t have children

and parent like they don’t have jobs.

We’ve kept the same role – caregiver, organiser, emotional anchor –

but stripped away every support structure around it.

The expectations skyrocketed.

The community disappeared.

And the emotional labour?

Still unpaid. Still unseen.

When you take all of that and pile it onto one woman’s nervous system, is it any wonder that we’re exhausted before the week even starts?

The Mental and Emotional Weight That No One Sees

The invisible load isn’t just responsibilities – it’s the emotional residue they leave behind.

It’s the guilt when you forget a school reminder.

The shame when you lose your patience at bedtime.

The frustration when someone says, “You should’ve asked,”

and you think, I shouldn’t have to.

You love your kids.

You love your life.

But loving something doesn’t mean it’s light.

Most moms I speak to feel guilty no matter where they are.

At work? Guilty for not being home.

At home? Guilty for not being productive.

Resting? Guilty for… resting.

We live in a culture that praises mothers for doing it all

but provides zero safety nets for their wellbeing.

So the guilt grows.

The self-doubt grows.

And slowly, quietly, we start to disappear behind the role.

Not because we want to –

but because we’re depleted.

Why This Load Feels Physically Heavy

Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between actual danger

and mental overload.

When you’re constantly anticipating the next thing –

who needs what, what’s coming up, what could go wrong –

your body stays in chronic alert.

It’s not that you can’t relax.

It’s that your nervous system doesn’t believe it’s safe to relax.

So even when you sit down, your mind keeps pacing around the room.

You’re not weak.

You’re not dramatic.

You’re not “thinking too much.”

Your body is simply tired from running the entire family ecosystem

in the background, every second of every day.

This exhaustion is not a failure.

It’s a physiological response to living in constant responsibility.

How to Start Putting the Load Down

Let’s be honest – the invisible load won’t disappear.

But you can start lightening it.

Here’s where it begins:

1. Name it

Say the quiet part out loud:

“I’m tracking too much.”

“I need help.”

Naming it is the first step toward being seen.

2. Share the responsibility – not just the tasks

Delegating a task still leaves you as the mental manager.

Sharing the responsibility hands over the ownership – the remembering, the planning, the following up.

That’s real help.

3. Build micro-pauses into your day

Not meditation retreats.

Just 20 seconds in the car before you get out.

A shoulder roll after a meeting.

Three quiet breaths before bedtime chaos.

These tiny moments teach your body that safety exists even in motion.

4. Let support in

Asking for help doesn’t make you less capable.

It makes you less alone.

5. Redefine what “success” looks like

Your worth isn’t measured by how much you hold.

It’s measured by how connected you still are to yourself while holding it.

Some days, success is a clean house.

Some days, it’s frozen pizza and no yelling.

Both count.

The Reframe That Changes Everything

The invisible load is not proof that you should do more.

It’s proof that you’ve already been doing too much for too long.

Your exhaustion isn’t a sign of weakness.

It’s a sign of humanity.

The moment you stop pretending you’re fine

and start telling the truth about what you’re carrying –

that’s the moment everything shifts.

Not because the load disappears,

but because you stop carrying it alone.

And when you feel safe, supported, and seen,

your children feel it.

Your home feels it.

Your whole life starts to breathe again.

You deserve that kind of peace.

And it starts with one small step:

putting down what was never meant to be yours alone.