EP54 – I Didn’t Know I Was in Survival Mode — Until I Was Finally Safe

Podcast

Leaving the job or relationship isn’t the finish line. For many of us, the quiet after survival feels anything but peaceful. In this post, I share what it’s really like to step out of survival mode, why rest can feel unsafe, and the small rituals that helped me reconnect with myself and begin true healing.

I Thought Leaving Would Fix Everything

Once I walked away from that toxic leadership environment…

I thought the anxiety would vanish.

The tight chest. The racing thoughts. The constant overthinking.

Gone, right?

But it wasn’t.

Because even though I was finally “safe”… my body didn’t feel that way.

And for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t just uncomfortable —

I was completely unrecognizable to myself.

Survival Mode Becomes Normal — Until It Isn’t

When you’ve spent years in survival mode, your nervous system adjusts.

It gets used to the pressure.

The noise.

The urgency.

The proving.

And when all of that stops… what’s left?

For me, it was stillness.

And instead of feeling peaceful, it felt terrifying.

There was no next crisis. No one to impress.

No external fire to put out.

Just… silence.

And that silence was deafening.

I Didn’t Know How to Rest — Only How to Crash

In the early days, I kept wondering:

Why don’t I feel better yet?

I had left the job. I had time again. I had space.

But I didn’t know how to just be.

Stillness felt wrong.

Rest felt uncomfortable.

And any time I slowed down, I felt lazy, guilty — even ashamed.

Because my nervous system didn’t understand safety.

It only understood survival.

Healing Wasn’t a Glow-Up — It Was a Come-Home

My healing didn’t start with big breakthroughs.

It started with small rituals.

Crying in the car after school drop-off.

Making coffee slowly and deliberately.

Walking without headphones and just breathing.

These were the first moments I started to reconnect with myself.

Later came the deeper work:

Subconscious healing
Nervous system regulation
Letting go of the belief that I had to do more to be worthy

Not because these were trendy tools.

But because they were necessary.

This work didn’t make me a new woman.

It brought me back to the woman I used to be — before the noise, the proving, and the burnout.

If You’re In the In-Between, You’re Not Alone

You may have already left the thing that was breaking you.

But now you’re in the unfamiliar space between survival and peace.

That’s not failure.

That’s recalibration.

You are not lazy. You are not broken.

You are healing.

And your nervous system is just learning what safety feels like — maybe for the first time in years.

I Made Something For You

If you’re in that in-between place and don’t know where to start…

✨ I created a free calming hypnosis audio — a 5-minute reset to help your body remember what calm feels like again.

It’s gentle.

It’s grounding.

And it’s the very first step I took when I didn’t know how to begin.

💛 Join the waitlist here and get the audio the moment it’s ready.